False Assumptions About The Nature of Marriage

Image result for husband wife housework painting

Just wanted to share a comment I made to a commenter on this article [How acting like a feminist can ruin your marriage] at The Federalist.

OLO101 says

“Few women want to waste their time and intelligence in being a glorified sex slave house cleaner”

I responded

“Of course they don’t. But who says this is what marriage is? A husband and wife have sex because they desire each other. One doesn’t force or make the other one have sex. Not if they love them. If a husband is treating his wife like a sex slave, then he’s not being a husband by definition. A husband is a partner for life who has vowed to love, honor and cherish. If he does other than this (or the wife, for that matter), then they are breaking their vows. The wife should call her husband out on this because she has the right, by virtue of the vows, to expect him to keep up his end of the bargain as does he. A wife doesn’t have to be a sex slave. That’s not what was promised her when he made the vows to her. She, likewise, made the same vows and has her own responsibility to keep them.

Sex is, however, a part of marriage so if a woman doesn’t desire it to be a part of her life, she is free not to marry.

About housekeeping. It’s a necessary part of life for everyone to have to clean their home unless you want to live in squalor. If you can afford to pay someone to do it, that’s great. If not, it must be done. It’s actually a mark of intelligence, IMO, when a person can see the good in it and creates that order in their environment for the purpose of sustaining hygiene, providing nourishment, and organizing space that makes room for creativity, study, intellectual pursuits and leisure. It’s actally the mentally ill or those with very low IQ who, oftentimes, fail to see the necessity of it or don’t have the capacity to create that order in a sustainable way. Are you saying that housework isn’t something worthy of an individual’s time or intelligence? Are you saying that’s it’s work that’s beneath anyone over a certain level of IQ and only the unintelligent should be relegated to it? I hope not.

Yes, it has always fallen to the woman to do the greater share but that was because she was there most of the time and had more time to devote to it. It was a division of labor. In a good marriage, each spouse should appreciate the contribution of the other and recognize it’s value. Was the huband’s contribution more valuable than the wife’s? If having a clean and orderly living environment is important and must be done, it has it’s own value and not a small one either. There are two questions here. Should it be ONLY the wife’s responsibility? and Should it be the wife’s ONLY contribution? No. Not if it’s looked at as a necessary and valuable labor that MUST be done.  It’s up to each individual couple to decide how to divide it. If they both work outside the home, then they divide up chores according to who is better at certain ones or has a stronger opinion on how certain ones must be done. If there are any left over after that, perhaps they rotate those. Or they can hire out for any neither wants or has the time to do if they can afford it. If someone works part-time outside the house, then they will do a larger share than the other because they have the time, not because they are a man or woman. If one works and one stays home, then obviously the stay-at-home, will do the most, while the one who works full-time, will pitch in a little in the evenings and weekends as needed.

If you don’t want to have sex or to clean your home, you are free to not do so. No one is compelled to marry but the local government might get involved if you don’t clean your home and it starts to affect your health and safety or that of your neighbors.

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